Understanding Situational Mutism in Autistic Adults Through an Insider's Lens
As an autistic psychotherapist specialising in working with neurodivergent adults, I bring a unique dual perspective to understanding situational mutism - both from my personal lived experience and from supporting clients in my practice.
Situational mutism, the inability to speak in certain contexts despite being able to speak in others, is a complex phenomenon that intersects with anxiety, trauma, stress, and interpersonal dynamics of power in profound ways for many autistic individuals. In this article, I aim to shed light on the inner world and embodied experiences of those who appear to go silent, drawing on both professional and personal insights to us about more attuned, trauma-informed understanding of autistic folks.
The Embodied Experience of Situational Mutism
To truly grasp situational mutism, we must first understand it as an embodied, physiological experience rather than a choice of behaviour or a defective individual. As someone who has experienced situational mutism myself, I can attest that it feels like a physical paralysis of the vocal cords and speech mechanisms, sometimes of the whole body and mind. In moments when I've found myself unable, it's as if there is a literal blockage. Sometimes, my mind may be racing with all the things I want to say, but my body simply will not cooperate in producing speech. On other times there is more of a sense of involuntary pausing in time with stillness and silence.
Clients have described it vividly to me, saying similar things as: "It's like there's an invisible wall between my thoughts and my mouth. I can think of what kind of things i want to say, but no speech comes out. It's not that I don't want to talk, it is that my body won't let me."
This embodied shutdown of speech can be triggered by various factors, often related to sensory overload, emotional intensity, interpersonal oppression such as covertly expressed attack, or perceived threat/unsafety in the environment. For many autistic individuals, our sensory processing differences mean that stimuli others may not even notice can quickly become overwhelming for us. Communication conveyed unconsciously to us for instance, is a good example. We very swiftly pick up in our bodies, the vibes and the intended meaning of the communication received by the other person, and yet we can’t consciously interpret it to make rational sense of it and contextualise it or manage how to respond to it. So it might be overwhelming in a brain-processing way, and push us to our sensory limits and trigger mutism as our systems go into protective shutdown.
In situations apart from feeling directly under attack, the emotional overwhelm of certain social situations can also lead to situational mutism. I’ve heard clients tell me things often such as: "When I'm in a group and everyone's talking over each other, I get so anxious trying to follow the conversation that I end up not being able to speak at all. It's like my brain short-circuits from trying to process it all. And i am also hyper-aware that i am not responding like all of the others, and the feeling of being different and wrong compounds it".
Understanding situational mutism as an involuntary, physiological response rather than willful silence or "selective" mutism is crucial. We autistic people are not choosing to be silent - our bodies are reacting to perceived threat or trying to manage overwhelm and a shutting down of speech delivery is a side-product of all of that going on in our inner world. Framing it this way helps validate their experiences and moves away from outdated notions of stubbornness, defiance, aloofness or social incompetence. None of those explanations are correct.
The Anxiety-Mutism Feedback Loop
Anxiety and situational mutism often exist in a bi-directional, reinforcing relationship for autistic individuals. Anxiety about social situations or communication can trigger mutism, while the experience of being unable to speak feeds back into heightened anxiety, creating a vicious cycle.
Many of my clients report intense anxiety about the possibility of going mute in certain contexts. This anticipatory anxiety can sometimes make mutism more likely to occur. Clients do sometimes say: "I get so worked up worrying about whether I'll be able to speak in my work meetings. I always think it will be alright now, but then something happens, there’s a lot going on inside - often a jumble of things - and my anxiety skyrockets as people are looking at me and I find myself unable to talk. Then I beat myself up about it afterwards, which makes me even more anxious for the next meeting, and depressed and embarrased about it."
The shame and self-criticism that often accompany episodes of mutism can further compound anxiety. Clients frequently express feeling "broken" or "defective" for being unable to speak. This internalised ableism adds another layer of emotional distress. I have been there myself, and also thought those things about myself. Gaining understanding about what it is and why and how it happens has really helped me to stop doing that to myself - so that takes one whole layer of the problem off (the internalised ableism causing negative evaluation of self) for starters.
I've found the following particularly helpful:
Validate and normalise those experiences: Many of us feel deep shame about instances of mutism. Understand it as a physiological response (because you are overloaded with stuff to try to process) rather than a personal failing can be incredibly relieving.
Practice self-advocacy: With people that we trust, we can explain beforehand our communication style and needs to others. That can include requesting written communication (and not always being expected to verbally respond to information or events) or letting people know the need for extra processing time in conversations and that it is quite a normal thing to need.
Explore identity and authenticity: The more we progress with our own therapy - our own personal development - the more we can genuinely embrace our autistic identity and find ways to express ourselves and be present when self-expression is on delay-mode. We can feel a lot more comfortable when we are secure enough in our identity as an autistic person, to expect a reduction in the pressure to conform that often triggers mutism.
Conclusion: Embracing Neuro-affirming Positionality in Practice
Situational mutism, like many aspects of the autistic experience, is complex and multifaceted. It intersects with anxiety, trauma, sensory overwhelm, processing differences, power-dynamics, and the fundamental ways in which we as autistic individuals engage with the world around us.
For all of us experiencing situational mutism, it's crucial that we approach our experiences through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. This means moving beyond the pathologising view of mutism as something that shouldnt be happening, and instead honoring it as a valid form of being a person, processing style, wonderful bodily-knowingness as a talent, and sometimes of self-protection.
My dual perspective as both an autistic individual and a therapist has shown me how powerful it can be when clients feel truly seen and understood in therapy, and that is why i am OK about sharing my own experiences as an autistic person myself. By bringing our full, authentic selves to our work and creating spaces where autistic clients can do the same if they feel safe enough to do so, there are possibilities for healing and growth, and jointly understanding and resolving the parts of life that they are concerned about.
My sessions are available on weekdays during daytimes and evenings.